John Drake Announces his Candidacy for 2012

Citizen's of The Village!

It is with great joy that I announce the Cadidacy of Mr John Drake.

Good People, Let us applaud a Citizen of character. And may the better man win!

John Drake: Ladies Man - Now Available in Paperback

Author John Drake's record selling new book, "Ladies Man" is now available in Paperback. The million selling tome reveals the dating secrets of The Village's number one Casanova.

Mr. Drake proclaims: "Give this book just five minutes of your time and it will change your life forever. Become a true 'Ladies Man' and learn the secrets of modern day seduction..."

Indeed. The unexpected success of this tome seems to imply Mr. Drake knows his subject well. Its no wonder he's got all the ladies turning their heads.

Be Seeing You...

FOR SALE: Custom Built Lotus 7 Series II

-= FOR SALE=-

This handsome Lotus 7 was custom built by the vehicle's original and sole owner. This car was "built with his own hands." Its perfect for anyone looking to project an image of freedom and individuality. This is a car is a real maverick!

Take your favorite girl out on the town in this little number and you're sure to get many happy returns! And unlike any other generic auto, this vehicle's classic style will never fall out of fashion.

Do not forsake this once in a life time chance to own this highly unique automobile!

£50,000 or Best Offer

Telephone +44 (0)1766 770000

Baldness Cure Still Years Away

Scientists from the United Kingdom have announced today that a cure for baldness may still be years away. Male pattern baldness has been the scourge of mankind ever since the days of Julius Caesar and his famed "combed forward" haircut. A variety of conditions are to blame for the loss of hair. Including heredity, personal health, and even a poor diet.

Still British scientists are quick to offer encouraging words. A representative from the renown Portmeirion Village Labs said this on behalf of the Scientific Community:

"Now that the World has become one global village there will be no shortage of guinea pigs for our personal experiments. Soon we will have treatments and cures for every type of malady. Including baldness, other major diseases, and the ever present danger of free human will."

More as this story develops.

Tired of Your Cell Phone Provider?

Tired of your cell phone provider? Switch to Village Telecom. You'll receive our award winning service at a great low price. We are the highest rated cell phone provider in the Portmeirion area. Dropped calls, bad reception, and your personal privacy are things of the past.

Operators are standing by. Call Today!

"Residents Only" Policy Draws Fire

The Village of Portmeirion has issued a strict "Residents Only" policy that has many neighboring citizens in an uproar. An anonymous representative of The Village, a man who will only call himself Number 2, has sworn that he will do all that he can to open the gates of the Village to everyone.

In his own words, Number 2 has stated that "We will bring everyone into the Village." And according to Number 2, "If we cant bring you into The Village, we will bring the Village to you."

More as this story develops...

Rover Attacks Up %50: Residents Warned

Residents of Portmeirion Village have been warned to stay inside this evening after a rash of unprovoked Rover attacks. No one knows what is causing the deadly White Orbs to attack. However, officials have assured the public that they are doing everything in their power to control the recent outbreak.

If you are confronted by a Rover you are advised to remain perfectly still. Do not make any sudden moves. And most importantly of all, do not try and leave the Village at any time.

More as this story develops...